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Thursday, June 13, 2024
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Holding my birthday present hostage



Pricey Annie: I just lately had my fiftieth birthday. My boyfriend and I’ve been relationship for seven years, with a two-year break. His pal just lately requested me if my boyfriend gave me a gift from him. I hadn’t obtained the current, so I didn’t say something to my boyfriend, hoping possibly time simply received away from us and he forgot. It has been over six weeks now, and nonetheless nothing. There isn’t a probability my boyfriend is jealous of his pal in any method.

Might my boyfriend be holding an previous grudge from our previous breakup? We broke up due to a trauma of mine that he didn’t deal with properly; he ended up disrespecting me reasonably than consoling me. There are another issues I really feel he’s shielded about, however this feels completely different.

Is he stealing my current, or is there one thing I’m not getting? This appears out of character for him. I don’t wish to be in a one-sided or dishonest relationship. — Confused

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Pricey Confused: The truth that you’re unwilling to ask him point-blank what occurred to your present is proof of a disconnect. Determine what’s holding you again — are you afraid of the reply? Of him getting offended? Of different issues he could also be hiding from you?

It’s clear that you just and your boyfriend have to work on open, sincere communication. No relationship can survive with out it — particularly one the place one or each events have endured a trauma. The assistance of knowledgeable therapist would possibly let you work out a communication fashion that works for you each.

Pricey Annie: My fiancee of 10 years needs us to maneuver ahead based mostly on lies. Final yr, I came upon my fiancee was having an affair. I referred to as her out on it, and he or she broke it off with him. We’ve been engaged on issues (two deaths within the household slowed issues a bit and made instances tough), and for essentially the most half, we’re doing OK.

I wish to forgive her and proceed on to marriage. Drawback is, she swears it was a one-week affair the place they’d intercourse thrice. However I’ve discovered loads of notes, photos and their goings-on on social media, and her household suggests it was a yearlong affair.

I’ve requested her loads of instances to simply inform me the reality so I can forgive and we will transfer ahead. She retains telling me to stop residing up to now. I preserve telling myself that I do know the reality and that I ought to simply let it go. However I really feel I can’t transfer ahead based mostly on lies. What ought to I do? — Confused Coronary heart in Missouri

Pricey Confused Coronary heart: Enlist the assistance of a {couples} counselor to work by means of your fiancee’s affair and mend the injury it has induced. I additionally marvel — why a 10-year engagement? Maybe in your counseling you’ll discover options to different underlying points which have prevented you from tying the knot sooner.

It appears you and your fiancee each wish to put this occasion behind you and transfer ahead in your relationship and into marriage. Nevertheless, it’s clear that your fiancee’s infidelity is weighing on you each. This matter can’t merely be swept underneath the rug or ignored. To really shut this chapter, you each should be prepared to do the work and confront it to beat it.

Ship your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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